3rd May 2023

May 3, 2023

HEY OUT there you OUT THERE people! Finally back with another B&P – me pumpin’ the Blood an’ Auntie P splashin’ the Peroxide! It’s a lethal combination, but, hell, it looks good on the T-shirt. Talkin’ o’ T-shirts…can u feel a plug comin’…since last we spoke, we unleashed the in-yer-face Sk8er Bitch shirt! It’s gonna be the T-shirt of the summer! If you’re not wearin’ one, people will taunt you until ya do! An’ when you get one, you can taunt the taunters, as, they’ll more than likely not be wearin’ one! Aaaaand, I’m gonna stop talkin’ now, as I’m not entirely sure where I’m goin’ with this sales pitch…
                                                                                                                                    PANDORA X!
Blog_Tom Delonge Pandora
Pandora with her BFF Tom DeLonge of blink-182


HOLE. Celebrity sin! Oooh, peeps are up in arms over the sacrilegious version of Hole’s ‘Celebrity Skin’ with an AI Kurt Cobain singin’ lead vox. Joke is, if this was ‘unearthed’ some years back as a rough demo or somethin’, it would be treated like gold dust! Me, I don’t entirely hate it; Kurt’s larynx over a song that sounds like the bastard offspring of Joan Jett an’ Cheap Trick isn’t completely offensive to my senses. In fact, it’s kinda interestin’ in an experimental way. But, yeah, of course it’s gonna get irritatin’ knowin’  such sonic-Frankenstein nightmares are gonna start explodin’ all over the gaff. Changed me mind – I hate it! Let’s keep it REAL! I mean, what’s next – cartoon girls givin’ opinions!

THE HIVES. Björn again! Blimey, I’d almost forgot this Swedish bunch. They could really pound out a toon! Anyways, they’re back after a zillion years with the stormin’ ‘Bogus Operandi’ from forthcoming’ album ’The Death Of Randy Fitzimmons’. Yep, you read that right. And, there appears to be some rebirth/zombie action goin’ down in the suitably bonkers accompanyin’ vid to ‘Bogus Operandi’, which all seems to lead to their new lightnin’ bolt look. HA! Talkin’ o’ looks, I remember an old K! feature, where the band were wearin’ their former regulation white jackets for the photo session but the photographer was ordered NOT to shoot ‘em from behind…as they had PEGS up their backs to make the jackets more figure huggin’. Sharp!..

blink-182. Life in Uranus. By the time you read this, the first blink opus featurin’ Tom DeLonge since 2011, will be completed.  In the can. Good to go.  And, reckons DeLonge, quite humbly, ”It’s the best album we’ve ever made!”. Still, y’gotta wonder how Tom’s return will affect the search for proof of UFOs and alien probes! An’ talkin’ of probes – what’s UP with drummer Travis Barker advertisin’  Liquid Death mountain water and enemas! Claims he in the ad, the majority of his health an’ success is down to usin’ Liquid Death…’”In my asshole”!? WTF? I, of course, had to get to the bottom of this, aaaand…it turns out it’s all just a fun gag. A fun gag that’ll cost ya $182(clever…) for an enema kit and a Liquid Death signed by Travis. A kit which, by the way, is strongly recommended you do not actually utilise! What a cheek! $182? Me, I’d pay twice that for an alien probe signed by Tom.

FALL OUT BOY. Fears for tears. First blink-182 shovin’ liquid up their behinds…an’ now FOB are shovin’ it into product! They had a buncha copies of recent release ’So Much(For) Stardust’ pressed in… Crynyl. There is fancy cience jargon attached, but, in a nutshell, they claim they extracted their tears an’ whacked ‘em in the grooves. Say FOB of this process,”When you listen to a Crynyl release, you’re not just listening to what the artist played, you’re feeling what they felt”. Cried? I nearly laughed. I mean, ‘tears’? Kiss put blood in their comic book. BLOOD!

Blog_Batman Auntie P
Auntie P with her ol’ mate
Michael  Keaton/Batman.


AEROSMITH. Peace of the action! The legendary Bostonian quintet have decided to draw the line after 50 years with a 40-date tour. Say they, “It’s not goodbye it’s PEACE OUT! Get ready and walk this way, you’re going to get the best show of our lives”. Great fuckin’ band, but… gotta be honest, they’ haven’t released anythin’ since the 70’s that’s really hit me where I live. I even loved ‘Rock In a Hard Place’ with Perry replacement Jimmy Crespo! But, Done With Mirrors onwards, I’ve only dug bits an’ pieces. Did like the ’98 ‘A Little South Of Sanity’ live package, though. That kicked some! We’ll miss ‘em, but, as I say, I’ve been kinda missin’ ‘em since the ’70s….

ALICE COOPER. HA! After Aero-bitchin’ above, might as well give the Coop some poop! Love the guy to death, one of rock’s truly great characters, but, I don’t think he’s released a truly solid classic offerin’ since ‘94s ‘Last Temptation’; there was even an accompanyin’ comic-book for cryin’ out loud!! So, on hearin’ ol’ Black Eyes is workin’ on a new concept album about life on the road called ‘Road’(genius!)…I must admit, I’m cautious but ever optimistic. It’s produced by legendary knob-twiddler Bob Ezrin and Alice promises a guitar-driven piece. If you haven’t completed the mix yet, Bob, nudge those axes up a notch, for me!

MICHAEL KEATON. Too fuckin’ right HE’S Batman! I love my Metal, but, y’know, nothin’ of late has quite got me as pumped as the teaser trailers for the impendin’ The Flash movie! It. Looks. So. Great. Keaton back as Batman! C’mon, I can’t hear you! And you in the nosebleed cheap seats up at the back in row zero- LEMME HEAR YA! That scene where Keaton strolls up to the barrier, cape snaps, and, with a wry an’ smug smile, utters, ‘Yeah, I’m Batman’. And Bats hastily ejectin’ from the Batwing after Zod smashes the cockpit, and he soars earthwards as the damaged jet dramatically passes him!  Maaaaaaaan! Can’t fuckin’ wait! In the cinema, let’s not get popcorn – LET’S GET NUTS!!!

VAN HALEN. No-No Bettencourt! No, no, no, no, no! Almost can’t deal with this news! Accordin’ to Extreme guitarist Nuno Bettencourt…Eddie VH was plannin’ on ropin’ in original bassist Michael Anthony for a farewell tour!!! Claims Nuno, Edward revealed to him,”Hey, just between us, Van Halen’s coming back and we’re gonna go out the way we came in – with Michael. Do it old school”.Y’know, I must still have the remnant of a heart, as, somethin’ in my chest just broke…

Okay, let’s talk screen interpretations of Batman.
Michael Keaton is Batman.
Me, I gotta go Afleck. That warehouse slugfest in BVS with Bats piledrivin’ thugs into the floor will probably never be equalled. BatFleck is just SOOO imposin’. Plus, a movie Batman who FINALLY wore the grey and the black!
Michael Keaton is Batman.
S’funny, I liked Christian Bale’s Bruce Wayne, but, his Batman just never did it for me. Clunky fights with no sense of impact. Natch, the annoyin’ throat-cancer Bat-voice didn’t help, either.
Michael Keaton is Batman.
As for Pattinson in The Batman…I’m still tryin’ to get into it. Some of it, especially the scenes with Bats an’ Gordon, just draaaag. To get into a mind frame to watch this film, I have to slow my metabolism down to that of a sloth in a coma!  Catwoman is cool, though, and I liked the flyin’ squirrel scene. But, to pull off the the ninja thing, Pattinson really needs to get some stealthier footwear.
Michael Keaton is Batman.
So, Auntie, what’s your stance in the great who’s-the-best-screen-Batman debate?