3rd May 2023
THE HIVES. Björn again! Blimey, I’d almost forgot this Swedish bunch. They could really pound out a toon! Anyways, they’re back after a zillion years with the stormin’ ‘Bogus Operandi’ from forthcoming’ album ’The Death Of Randy Fitzimmons’. Yep, you read that right. And, there appears to be some rebirth/zombie action goin’ down in the suitably bonkers accompanyin’ vid to ‘Bogus Operandi’, which all seems to lead to their new lightnin’ bolt look. HA! Talkin’ o’ looks, I remember an old K! feature, where the band were wearin’ their former regulation white jackets for the photo session but the photographer was ordered NOT to shoot ‘em from behind…as they had PEGS up their backs to make the jackets more figure huggin’. Sharp!..
blink-182. Life in Uranus. By the time you read this, the first blink opus featurin’ Tom DeLonge since 2011, will be completed. In the can. Good to go. And, reckons DeLonge, quite humbly, ”It’s the best album we’ve ever made!”. Still, y’gotta wonder how Tom’s return will affect the search for proof of UFOs and alien probes! An’ talkin’ of probes – what’s UP with drummer Travis Barker advertisin’ Liquid Death mountain water and enemas! Claims he in the ad, the majority of his health an’ success is down to usin’ Liquid Death…’”In my asshole”!? WTF? I, of course, had to get to the bottom of this, aaaand…it turns out it’s all just a fun gag. A fun gag that’ll cost ya $182(clever…) for an enema kit and a Liquid Death signed by Travis. A kit which, by the way, is strongly recommended you do not actually utilise! What a cheek! $182? Me, I’d pay twice that for an alien probe signed by Tom.
FALL OUT BOY. Fears for tears. First blink-182 shovin’ liquid up their behinds…an’ now FOB are shovin’ it into product! They had a buncha copies of recent release ’So Much(For) Stardust’ pressed in… Crynyl. There is fancy cience jargon attached, but, in a nutshell, they claim they extracted their tears an’ whacked ‘em in the grooves. Say FOB of this process,”When you listen to a Crynyl release, you’re not just listening to what the artist played, you’re feeling what they felt”. Cried? I nearly laughed. I mean, ‘tears’? Kiss put blood in their comic book. BLOOD!
ALICE COOPER. HA! After Aero-bitchin’ above, might as well give the Coop some poop! Love the guy to death, one of rock’s truly great characters, but, I don’t think he’s released a truly solid classic offerin’ since ‘94s ‘Last Temptation’; there was even an accompanyin’ comic-book for cryin’ out loud!! So, on hearin’ ol’ Black Eyes is workin’ on a new concept album about life on the road called ‘Road’(genius!)…I must admit, I’m cautious but ever optimistic. It’s produced by legendary knob-twiddler Bob Ezrin and Alice promises a guitar-driven piece. If you haven’t completed the mix yet, Bob, nudge those axes up a notch, for me!
MICHAEL KEATON. Too fuckin’ right HE’S Batman! I love my Metal, but, y’know, nothin’ of late has quite got me as pumped as the teaser trailers for the impendin’ The Flash movie! It. Looks. So. Great. Keaton back as Batman! C’mon, I can’t hear you! And you in the nosebleed cheap seats up at the back in row zero- LEMME HEAR YA! That scene where Keaton strolls up to the barrier, cape snaps, and, with a wry an’ smug smile, utters, ‘Yeah, I’m Batman’. And Bats hastily ejectin’ from the Batwing after Zod smashes the cockpit, and he soars earthwards as the damaged jet dramatically passes him! Maaaaaaaan! Can’t fuckin’ wait! In the cinema, let’s not get popcorn – LET’S GET NUTS!!!
VAN HALEN. No-No Bettencourt! No, no, no, no, no! Almost can’t deal with this news! Accordin’ to Extreme guitarist Nuno Bettencourt…Eddie VH was plannin’ on ropin’ in original bassist Michael Anthony for a farewell tour!!! Claims Nuno, Edward revealed to him,”Hey, just between us, Van Halen’s coming back and we’re gonna go out the way we came in – with Michael. Do it old school”.Y’know, I must still have the remnant of a heart, as, somethin’ in my chest just broke…