Pandora FEEM TOON
17th November 2022
First, I gotta apologise – we’ve had a few complaints about my ‘feem toon’ keepin’ people awake at night with its ear-worm bombardment of…PANDORA! PANDORA! PANDORA! PANDORA! Sorry ‘bout that. May I suggest mindplugs?
Also, others have raved that they love our Blood & Peroxide ’views on the news’ so much, that they’ve begged we go DAILY! C’mon, kids, this is all brand new – we’re still workin’ shit out! Baby steps. Baby steps.
Also, someone DARED ME to release a Secret Cheese An’ Pickle Sandwich ClubT-shirt! Have you EVER encountered me? You DO NOT dare ME! Plus, it’s a secret…and I have no idea what yer talkin’ about….
MY BFF HAYLEY WILLIAMS
PARAMORE have done a surprisin’ revamp of the cover their 2013 self-titled album…which I can neither confirm or deny, I had anythin’ to do with…! But, there it is, streamin’ on all platforms, our Hayles wearin’ a denim jacket with ‘GROW UP’ spray-painted oh-so-very-stylishly-yet-street on the back! But, why? We don’t know why. Maybe next year’s album ’This Is Why’ will answer…why.
GREEN DAY have officially told me that they have officially been recording official new music in London an’ LA. And that’s official. An insider on the inside unofficially officially informed me, that some workin’ song titles are ’Combat Wombat’, ‘Green Jellybeans Are Radioactive’ and ’Sonic Marzipan’. Although, these titles could, as they say, be subject to change. In the meantime, the punky trio triumphantly reflect, “WTF – what a year!”. Ah, an’ who knows what glories the future holds for our heroes. Me, I’m just lookin’ forward to possibly stuffin’ my ears with Sonic Marzipan…
THE LINDA LINDAS have released a Christmas single! See – it CAN be a perfect world!! ’Groovy Xmas’ literally fizzes with Yuletide effervescence… an instant remedy for indigestion an’ heartburn! And take in these lyrics, ‘We’ll all watch Charlie Brown’s Christmas/ Then Home Alone, Elf, and The Grinch/ Same playlist every year /Mariah brings the cheer’. They nail it! An all time Xmas classic – and it’s only JUST been released! And, me, I’m inspired – next year I might release a Halloween single as The Pandora Pandoras…
KEVIN CONROY, the voice of Batman has been tragically taken from us. Famed for his intelligent and intimidating portrayal of the Dark Knight on Batman:The Animated Series, Conroy made it near impossible to accept anybody else voicin’ him! When DC produced a Batman animated movie without him – you just shouted at the screen, “Why didn’t you idiots just use Kevin!”. Conroy is irreplaceable. We will miss you so much, Mister. So fuckin’ much!
ME OL’ MATE GENE SIMMONS
PAUL COOK, drummer of the Sex Pistols, reveals that he’s disappointed that they never released a follow-up to ’Never Mind The Bollocks..’. No. Just, no. Woulda been a big mistake Huge. Massive. Cooky-boy literally is talkin’ bollocks….
OZZY OSBOURNE says he doesn’t want some Johnny Depp-type actor playin’ him in his impendin’ biopic, instead, preferin’ an unknown. Oz actually phoned me on the batphone to see if I had any ideas. And, for the life of me..I couldn’t think of any unknown actors that I know of! Maybe the unknown actors are all unknown. I mean, who is YOUR favourite unknown actor? Meanwhile, Johnny Depp is more than welcome to play me…
MIKE BATT…remember-member-member him as the genius behind The Wombles’ hits? Well, he’s unearthed an’ unleashed some old prog rock epic he recorded back in ’72, ‘Variations On A Riff – Reflections On A War’. It features guitarist Chris ‘Motorbiking’ Spedding, who, many believe played on the Pistols album(bollocks!), and, who, like Batt, went on to dress up as walkin’ carpets The Wombles on Top Of The Pops. But, c’mon, some o’ those lyrics were KILLER! Who could forget Super Womble: ‘He flies into your window when you’re trying to get some rest/ You know it’s Super Womble cos his name is on his chest’! CLASSIC!
GENE SIMMONS blasts the Stones! No, not Jagger’s mob – KIDNEY STONES! The Kiss’ bassist had to go to hospital to have his internals zapped(by Dr Love?) to remove an excess of the annoyin’ little buggers. “Just cleaning the tubes,” informs Gene, ”looks awful, but really no big deal”. Yet, bein’ as a kidney stone is made from chemicals in the urine, they were literally takin’ the piss outta Kiss! Whatever, we here at Blood & Peroxide wish The Demon a speedy recovery. And, I’m sure we can expect the stones, medical gowns, masks and head coverings to appear in the Kiss Merch Store any second now…
So, Pandora, what’s the story with yer annoyin’ ‘feem toon’?
The directive was simple, it had to ROCK an’ say ‘Pandora’ quite a lot. The only thing I wasn’t happy with, was the ‘Bitch Bitch’ reference.
Well, yeah – cos it’s mine!
Had no choice, we couldn’t think of anythin’ else that rhymed with, ‘cheese an’ pickle sandwich’.
Erm, ‘itch’, ’snitch’, ‘Abercrombie & Fitch’.
Riiiight, like I’m gonna have ‘Abercrombie & Fitch’ in my kick ass theme tune!
Ditch? Rich? Glitch?
La-la-la, not listenin’…!
7th November 2022
So, what the hell is this deal? Well, peoploids, every occasionally, me an’ my Auntie P are gonna do our take on what took our fancy durin’ the week; if it’s news – then it’s fair game. Sooo, if fun ain’t yer thang, then you’ve got off at the wrong stop.
MY BFF DAMIANO DAVID!
Taylor exclusively informed me that, “Feeling the luckiest person alive to take these brilliant artists on tour w/me,” before swiftly (no pun intended) whackin’ it on social media!? Nice. Cheerz, Swifty.
MANESKIN (don’t know how to put that little ‘o’ thingy over the ‘A’) have sensationally revealed that their new album, set for release in Jan, will be titled ‘Thrush!’. Which, may explain the band’s individual reactions to a skirted personage leapin’ over ‘em on the album artwork. Oh, wait, no, sorry, there was a smudge on the press release – the album is in actual fact, titled – ‘Rush!’ One assumes recent stuff like ‘The Loneliest’ and ‘Supermodel’ could be included, yet, an insider informs me that one new track is titled ‘Satanic Bunnies Eat Pencil Sharpeners’. Although, another insider, who is even more on the inside than the original guy, insists, that that title may be subject to change.
FRANK CARTER & THE RATTLESNAKES ragin’ new track ‘Parasite’ makes me wanna itch. An’ scratch. An’ shower in bleach. Yeah – it’s that fuckin’ good! I was so vibed on the first hearin’, I kicked over me coffee table! Still, Frank exclusively informed me, that he cannot take responsibility for breakages in the home of excitable listeners. Carter an’ the Rattlers will be takin’ over the London Underworld for three nights in early December. So, peel yerself off yer piss-stained, semen-soaked, flea-infested mattress an’ get down there!
POPPY reveals she will not be the main character in her next Z2 graphic novel Tit Tat, instead, it features new characters she co-created. Explains ultra-talented Pops,”Tit Tat merges superpowers, suspense and weird fiction into a bombshell graphic novel”. Can’t wait! Don’t wanna wait! Where’s my advance copy?! In fact – why ain’t I in it!!!
GHOST have uploaded the latest instalment in their ongoin’ vid series – ‘Chapter: 14 Road Trip’. And, rather than enjoy it, I tried to make sense of it. Especially Cardinal Copia’s confusion over residue from Papa Nihil’s shart. I mean, surely ectoplasmic discharge from a phantasm isn’t beyond feasibility! As for the rest of it…ain’t got a fuckin’ clue. Did watch it 200 times, though, and now have a restrainin’ order from YouTube.
ME OL’ MATE STEPHEN PEARCY!
MICK MARS is steppin’ down from Mötley Crüe due to his ongoin’ battle with the degenerative disease Ankylosing Spondylitis. Really sad. I’m not a major Crüe fan, but dug Mars’ playin’. The crunchin’ riffs on the ‘Shout At The Devil’ album, really…crunched. Always loved to hear a single solid guitarist battlin’ away – like Jonesy in the Pistols! So, gonna miss ya, Mars. Can’t believe they’re replacin’ you with that stoopid robot from that rubbish 80s movie.
WENDY O. WILLIAMS’ ’85 Camden Palace show is set be released on video on Nov 18, subtly titled ‘WOW: Live And Fucking Loud From London!’! Also, Lemmy ’n’ Wurzel from Motorhead join the High Priestess of Metal for ’Jailbait! I mean, whaddaya want – jam on it! Our Wend was a major inspiration of mine and her single with The Plasmatics, ‘Butcher Baby’, is my all-time fave song! Wendy’s sandpaper larynx over chainsaw and chainsawed guitars! A headbangers’ delight, that even graciously cuts out for ‘oh yeah-yeah’s’ and ‘oh no’s’ to give one’s noggin a brief respite from whiplash.
We miss ya, Wend! Oh, yeah-yeah!
STEPHEN PEARCY of Ratt has collaborated with Writers & Rockers Coffee Company for his own line of signature coffees. Turns out, when he comes off stage parched an’ drippin’, our boy Stevie likes nothin’ more than…a slug o’Jack? Why, no – a steamin’ hot cup ‘o Joe, natch! Anyways, all ‘blended to his specifications’ Pearcy’s collection includes ‘Hollywood Wired’, ‘Double Shot’, ‘Ultra Nitro’ and, named after Ratt’s biggest hit – ‘Round And Round’. Although, I think he missed a trick with ‘Out Of The Cellar’ cut – ’The Morning After’. C’mon! Wake up an’ smell the…well, you know. Plus, wasn’t there that Desmond Child produced album ‘Percolator’…
DOLLY PARTON wants to reunite Led Zep to play on her planned rock album, which will feature ’Stairway To Heaven’! Dolly has previously recorded the infamous guitar-shop irritation bluegrass-stylee, but now wants to go for full on rock-cred by ropin’ in Planty an’ Pagey. And, if anyone can charm ‘em into it – it’s the First Lady Of Country! In, the meantime, any rumours you may have heard of Ms. Parton, Jennifer Finch, Joan Jett and myself teamin’ up to form a superstar side-project called The Dollywood Vampires, is total bollocks…